Dining With Plastic Forks

Kale G.: Some know it as a Midwest tradition, some consider it an abomination, and some justly recognize the Juicy Lucy as one of the pinnacles of modern hamburger making technology. Phil and I belong to the latter group, so it’s no surprise that we thought we’d start our investigation of the phenomenon at one of the two places that vie for the status and renown that would come from being known as the ‘Home of the Juicy Lucy’.

Let’s go to the 5-8 Club.

Phil B.: Actually I haven’t been to the other place yet, so this will be a great excuse to eat and review another Juicy Lucy in the near future. Of course, this could start an online clash between loyal patrons of each establishment, but hey – we like it when Twin Cities foodies start flaming each other. Think something on the scale of the Pat’s vs. Geno’s cheesesteak wars in Philly. No more ‘Minnesota Nice’ – the gloves are off!

KG: Now, we’re only two reviews in, and I’m going to violate a rule. I know we, as a standard, don’t give a fig about the ambiance of the place, but I’m going to bend that rule a little and talk about history. You see, the 5-8 Club isn’t just a local burger chain, it is also a remnant of The Volstead Act, more commonly known as the Eighteenth Amendment or even Prohibition. That’s right, the 5-8 Club was a Speakeasy.

PB: I checked out their website’s ‘History’ section. According to the folks at the 5-8, there were twice as many ‘Speaks’ by the end of the first year of Prohibition as there had been legal drinking establishments prior to its enactment. There’s gotta be a lesson about legislating morality vs. human nature in here somewhere, but I just can’t quite put my finger on it. Hmm, I can see some modern parallels here … oh, let’s just forget about it and get back to the food.

KG: There’s something just cool about knowing that where you’re standing was less than a century ago engaged in illegal activities of the subversive and, frankly, intelligent kind that I can get behind. Occasionally, as it transpires, history can be a spice.

Not that these burgers need any. Big, hearty, oozing scalding-hot cheese, it’s easy to see why the Juicy Lucy is one of the most wonderful things to happen to hamburgers… well, ever. These burgers aren’t only filling, they’re cheap, running about five bucks a la carte. The menu suggests ordering a basket to have something to munch on while the cheese cools down, but I’m a fan of burning my mouth on sizzling cheese, so I order the basket because I like the sides. Phil got a Lucy with bleu cheese, I got straight American, he got onion rings, I got jojo potatoes.

PB: I love bleu cheese, so it seemed like a logical choice. I also love fried onions, so I ordered some on the burger in addition to the onion rings on the side. So much for my Weight Watchers lifestyle … anyhow, the bleu cheese/fried onions combo satisfied my wildest Juicy Lucy fantasy.

KG: First ding; the sides at the 5-8, while good, aren’t anything to write home about. The slaw that comes with everything is just your run-of-the-mill coleslaw, nothing to write home about here. Their onion rings are breaded, not battered, and while fried onion is always a good thing, these are a little heavy. The jojos are nice, but really they’re just big steak fries; of course, there’s nothing wrong with that, but they’re a let-down when the burgers are so good.

PB: I’m with Kale on this one. From what I've seen in restaurant kitchens, I’m guessing that everbody gets the same five-gallon buckets of slaw from their local distributor -- so it doesn’t really make sense to review it.

I tried some of the jojos in his basket and actually liked them better than my onion rings (which seemed a little overdone and greasier than usual). Maybe the frying temp was a little off?

KG: I tried to get a shot of the cheese oozing out of the burger after my first bite, but the flash seemed to drown out any picture I attempted. We were licking our fingers and munching on the remains of our sides when we realized that the real reason you come here is to see silly pictures of us eating food, so we loaded up on rings and jojos for the signature shots. Sadly, while I’d like to blame my poor picture on Phil’s turn with the camera, I think it may have had more to do with the still quite hot oil being transferred from the potatoes to my hands. We’ll do better next time; promise.

PB: I tried to take another picture after that, but the camera kept slipping out of my hands.

KG: So in the end it’s a mixed bag. In a word the burgers are, as Phil would say, awesome.

PB: AWESOME!

KG: Absolutely four tine dining there. The sides are good, but kind of disappointing in the end; two to three tines, depending on what you get. Overall, I’d have to say the 5-8 Club’s walking away with a three-and-a-half tine rating; the burgers are some of the best around, and really, isn’t that why you came in the first place?

PB: I’m going to go ahead and forgive them for the extra-oily rings; well, maybe not. Yep, let’s go with three-and-a-half tines. Next time I am ordering a double Juicy Lucy with no sides; that would be four tines way up!